May 23, 2005

Favorite thing on IM

Originally from Chelsea Peretti, reBlogged by ts

My favorite thing on IM is writing elaborate, writerly stage directions as responses.

This went well today. (At the end of each day, I evaluate my IM progress in a series of evaluations and a shitload of number-crunching also involved in this prognostic.)

So here’s the deal. What popped up in an IM with my dear friend was as follows…he had asked me for a restaurant recommendation for an upcoming date (every guy I know asks me to take him shopping and also asks for restaurant suggestions for dates…).

I recommended my usual spots. However…what I forgot was a while back I had mentioned eating at Maryann’s because I was really into their nachos for a while.

In our IM he tells me:

[15:12] GUYFRIEND: gonna hit mary ann’s tomorrow i think
[15:13] GUYFRIEND: i gave the girl the choice (whatever one you want to go to)
[15:13] GUYFRIEND: there’s 3 of them in nyc

I note:

[15:13] CP: how very fancy of you!

He plays along—we’re having fun.

[15:13] GUYFRIEND: giving the girl options!!!!!
[15:14] CP: of a chain restaurant
[15:14] CP: ritz-zay!
[15:14] CP: you’re like OLIVE GARDEN—TAKE YOUR PICK!
[15:14] GUYFRIEND: shit (i don’t know her that well), did i fuck up?
[15:14] GUYFRIEND: hahahahahahaha
[15:14] CP: ahhahaa
[15:14] CP: “whereever you like”
[15:14] GUYFRIEND: shit!
[15:14] CP: “whichever one is convenient TO YOU!”
[15:14] GUYFRIEND: TGIF, which one babe?
[15:15] CP: hahah
[15:15] GUYFRIEND: hahahahahahahaha
[15:16] CP: “don’t worry about the food, that’s not an issue—identical at all 23 locations!”
[15:16] CP: “now let’s get intimate!”
[15:16] GUYFRIEND: god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[15:16] GUYFRIEND: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
[15:16] CP: haahahahahaha
[15:17] CP: bk is always good in a pinch—consistent, etc.
[15:17] GUYFRIEND: i could follow up an email with that
[15:17] CP: i’m def mocking you onstage
[15:17] GUYFRIEND: fuckfuckfuckfuck
[15:18] GUYFRIEND: i hope i didn’t fuck it up with the mary ann’s thing
[15:18] GUYFRIEND: haven’t heard back
[15:19] CP: (sound of silence)
[15:19] CP: (a pin drops somewhere in specific guyfriend location)
[15:19] GUYFRIEND: fuckfuckufck
[15:19] CP: (phone glares at you)
[15:19] GUYFRIEND: sad eyes
[15:20] CP: (sweeper sweeps up)
[15:20] CP: (floorboards creak as he cleans out the joint)
[15:21] GUYFRIEND: :-(
[15:21] GUYFRIEND: :’(
[15:21] GUYFRIEND: :-[
[15:21] GUYFRIEND: more :’(
[15:22] CP: (EXPLOSION)
[15:22] CP: (ash raining)
[15:22] CP: (blackness)
[15:23] CP: (eternal night)
[15:23] CP: (profound silence)
[15:23] GUYFRIEND: :’(
[15:25] GUYFRIEND: did i fuck up?
[15:25] GUYFRIEND: i thought you liked mary ann’s?
[15:26] CP: (profound silence)
[15:26] GUYFRIEND: (i fucked up)
[15:27] CP: (white ash swirls in air)
[15:28] GUYFRIEND: my heart is in 1,000,000.00 pieces
[15:28] GUYFRIEND: just checked my email…. nothing
[15:29] GUYFRIEND: this is the email i sent
[15:29] GUYFRIEND:

hey *******
hope you’re having a good day
it’s so nice out
was thinking about hitting one of the ‘mary ann’ mexican places tomorrow night

not sure which one is more convenient for you
there’s one on
2nd ave and 5th street

one on
broadway and 91st

and one on
2nd ave and 78th

let me know which one works best
we can meet up around 8.

talk to you soon

ps my cell phone is XXX XXX XXX4

pps if you a DEAD set against mexican no worries

[15:29] CP: (mutant, charred animal scurries across bleak landscape)
[15:30] GUYFRIEND: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
[15:30] GUYFRIEND: pps if you a DEAD set against mexican no worries
[15:32] CP: (planet collides with other planet)
[15:33] GUYFRIEND: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
[15:33] GUYFRIEND: was looking for some consol
[15:34] GUYFRIEND: :( x’s 1000
[15:35] CP: (God tells Jesus he was wrong all along)
[15:36] GUYFRIEND: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo